Following in the heels of one of the more wildly popular pages on this site, I thought it prudent to do a complementary post in which I explore what Muslim women are really seeking in a man. With all the heaps of rubbish of falsehoods that count themselves as advice or even masquerade as wisdom, what we need to have is a pure, Islamic understanding of what Muslim women are like and what they are seeking. Who are they seeking, you ask? Muslim men, of course. Islam is the only platform that grants an equal footing before Allah swt to both men and women, regardless of their gender differences. However, this means that we tailor our lives to our fitrah i. It is quite unsettling to see the opposite transpire in our society today — from left to right, the honor of a Muslim woman is being attacked both psychologically and ideologically. In the name of education and uplifting, women are told to go out, have a career, forget their children, and do as they please with their bodies. For pious men, it may be difficult to know what women expect. For men who do not interact with women out of their own modesty, it is even more difficult so. If you are a woman, please click here to read what Muslim men look for in a wife. Men, the below is for you. In a departure from my usual style of blogging, I will be entirely copying an excellent, brutally honest and explicit, in the sense that the below is adult material, intended for a mature audience work I found online. Please do follow Gabriel Al Romaani, a Muslim relationship counselor for masculine guidance on intimacy and marriage YouTube or Instagram.
Why a Muslim woman can’t marry a no...
Learn what Muslim women are really looking for in a marriage, understand their biology and definitions of love. My personal opinions will be highlighted and all subheadings are to be taken as general guidelines. Some content is adult material. They have vastly different agendas for marriage and they think differently. They are in fact complete opposites. Given that our fitra natural instincts and our DNA is from Allah, we must unravel how we are different to create solid Muslim marriages. And this is how we do that. This is not definitive nor applicable to all men, but it is a standard. All subheadings are to be taken as general guidelines. Don't say I didn't warn you. How Women Fall In Love. It is no more glorious than a chemical imbalance. Love is therefore rewarding. Love is different to lust. Islam tells us love is normal, it is from Allah, it is necessary for any bond to exist and it is part of our religion. Men have up to 20 times more testosterone than women, which primarily promotes the male reproductive organs.Testosterone in men — and this is something to note — also promotes the sexual characteristics in male behaviour and appearance. It is what switches on his high sexuality. Basically testosterone makes a man, a man. Or as I would say, it makes a man, a sexy man. Higher levels of oxytocin generally lead to more emotional sensitivity, a positive emotional response and lower stress levels. When a man falls in love with a woman the normal levels of testosterone which otherwise make a man manly and tough, reduces significantly, and the level of oxytocin increases which turn him into a softer, more bubbly fellow. Women are attracted to this loving behaviour because it means men are paying them quality attention, they are being pursued, and I would surmise to say this phase does not last. I'm sorry. Shaykh Yasir Qadhi has plenty to share on the phases of love. Coming soon. For women, an emotional and sexual attachment follows the same path as men but where the opposite hormones tip the scales. They both show loving signs to one another. Although this biological data and understanding is observed from all human relationships, here we are talking about the intimacy within halal lawful marriage between a Muslim man and woman. Therefore love outside of marriage, while perfectly normal and involuntary, is not something to act upon. Imam Abu Eesa Niamatullah :. Generally, Muslim women look for stability and leadership qualities in men. They are attracted to men who have various and successful roles in inter-personal relationships.
https://vid.alarabiya.net/images/2016/05/27/858cb5fd-fe48-4941-9897-7f2728d4b8c6/858cb5fd-fe48-4941-9897-7f2728d4b8c6.jpg?crop=1:1&width=1000Muslim women in a marriage bind
This is in addition to wanting a severely 1 compassionate, 2 communicative and 3 active friendship. I say severely because often women demand too much from men. And these are traits that most men do not think about too deeply themselves. Women fall prey to emotional dissatisfaction more quickly than men do ISNA. Allah has designed men and women as a pair that fit. Like jigsaw pieces, both are shaped differently and have different functions. This is important to understand and accept before we try to suss one another out. And for women whose list of 3 top things to look for in a husband includes 1 material car, money, house , 1 obscure incredible physique and 1 impossible eternal happiness : you are not yet ready for marriage. But we do. In our relationships we are attracted to what our minds find beautiful.Many women are attracted to bearded men preferential. Contrary to the interpretations of Muslim female hayaa modesty , women are very visual and attracted to men with the same bias and objectification. There is little control over which man a woman is physically attracted to and looks are not usually a deciding factor for marriage. Muslim women DO use physical attraction as an initial hook. But there is a difference. While men can fall in love at first sight more easily, women tend to look deeper into appearances. They analyse dress sense, smartness and even style. Women are more astute than men. They can pick up complex information just by looking. The average man will think this strange. However, even in Islam, how you present yourself speaks volumes about your lifestyle. Ergo: smarten up.
Can Muslims Date? Nearly Everything You Need To Know
We judge each other mercilessly but we get pudgier as we age, and we can forgive the sagging, we CAN be forgiving when older. As you get older you realise that youth is mistaken for beauty. Yes, they have this and that asset but a wise Muslim knows looks are temporal and if the attraction goes deeper to a mutual love for the whole person, then every freckle, greying hair and imperfection is still accepted as perfect. How old is he? Where has he travelled? What does he do? Who was he with? What did he learn? Most women prefer older men because they are thought to have a wiser grasp on both the Muslim world and all its affairs, and the secular world with all its affairs. Generally, culture dictates that a husband should exceed his wife in age by a few years 4 years as a round-about guideline since men mature much slower. Saying that though, a wider age gap is not as controversial as it used to be. More Muslim women choose to marry men a decade older than them, or younger.And this is because of the maturity factor : For example, despite a woman being 35 years old and her husband 25, his maturity as a responsible, independent and considerate person shows that he can reason and behave to her level, or above. This understanding is what is attractive to a woman; a man who has a similar outlook to the world as she does. Character is the principles you say you have. What is behaviour? Behaviour is the principles you show in action. You can be a devout Muslim in prayer and charity but if you have a temper, it affects your wife and by extension, the health of your marriage. Women are all about putting sentiments into action. If you say you want her, show it, if you say you like her family, show it. Your lack of action here is very much a small negative on the larger scale of things but it can build up and hurt a woman deeply. And she wants this type of attentive love from a man. Sometimes a lot of pressure is put on finding a man attached to a noble family. I believe a balance is required from the outset. Basically, the in-laws are part of the equation for women, but not a deciding factor in getting married to the man they love. Eventually, after family nasiha advice is sought and the decision is settled between a couple, families need to accept their adult choice, as Allah said,. Do not prevent them from [re]marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner Let me tell you that real Muslim women do not give a tutankhamun about what a man owns. Demanding a new apartment or house is not part of the marriage package but with all the tension newly weds face living with the in-laws, one would advise looking into separate living arrangements as soon as possible. Saying that, it is fair to maintain the standard of life the woman is accustomed to.
Why British Muslim women struggle to find a marriage partner
For men who feel inferior for being unemployed or not earning a substantial income, rest assured that most women do not ask for or need a luxurious life. A foundation of trust, continuous love and honesty builds a successful marriage, not an accumulation of ching-ching money and certificates. Muslim women want real wealth in the form of good treatment, open communication and love. They want to be able to have deeper conversations, to share household responsibilities, to talk about pertinent or random topics that both husband and wife are knowledgeable in. Islamic Horizons Magazine. When we get down to it, the best of men do not need degrees and secular or Islamic education does not prevent bad character read above. Thus, it is usually families and not women who place professions on such high pedestals. If anything, I would advise Muslim women to search for man with a PhD in courtesy. Immigrant Muslim families who inherited these customs meant that future generations were expected to follow the same marriage patterns. While this method of searching and approving a spouse has been successful to some extent, culture has nearly always dominated the Islamic aspects. And Islam says above all, you need to be compatible. Compatibility does not limit itself to having the same background or language.Can you combine your lifestyles to create a new one? Compatibility means having shared values. He needs to understand you as a woman. It builds compatibility, it builds love. As a Muslim woman you NEED to have a connection with your potential husband that will carry decades into your marriage and help overcome obstacles. And here you need to ask yourself: what principles and actions do I value the most which I hope my future husband will also respect? Most of us believe that opposites attract, and they do to an extent, but familiarity attracts more. Women will secretly want the bad-boy and the danger of a rebel but this is not marriage material. You need to be specific and you need to know what you would like to see in your wife - in addition to the standard. Women want husbands, a partner in crime, not a manager. Make a list of 10 specific things you hope to bring to your marriage. Trust me, the woman you want to marry has already made that list. Perhaps more importantly, watch out for the good signs that meet your personal criteria.
When Muslims Intermarry
Don't hang about for the sister to make a move, take appropriate action. You do not need to buy her the world. You do not need to promise her the world. You do not need to make her life a paradise on earth. Eternal happiness is reserved for Jannah , not Earth. Make realistic goals, be pragmatic. Do not openly flirt, make references to sex or how effective you will be at procreating — this is embarrassing and crude. Sex is a part of marriage, we get it, but maintain your modesty. If you set the bar this high, you will be disappointed in a wife who turns out to be human. Everyone has flaws. When you ask your potential wife to pray regularly, fast and wear a jilbaab - in essence, to CHANGE - is it because you want your wife to come spiritually closer to Allah in ibadat worship or because you want to keep her all to yourself? Try to go at her pace and understand that she has to sacrifice more to become your spouse. Be the most respectful and considerate man possible to all her family members, irrelevant of what they ask of you. Finally, be a man of action. Women love men who show, who take steps to progress, so the lazy bachelor thing you had is going to have to come to an end. Aug 5 Written By Mohammed Khalid.Islamic Horizons Magazine When we get down to it, the best of men do not need degrees and secular or Islamic education does not prevent bad character read above. Lessons Movies Studies Logs. Mohammed Khalid. I was recently approached by a Muslim chaplain looking for resources for Muslim parents, parents trying to find positive ways for their families to move forward when their adult children choose life partners outside of their faith community. They fear intermarriage will not fit comfortably within the expectations of parents and the boundaries of their faith communities. I am a Roman Catholic immigrant to Canada from Germany living in Toronto and have been married to a Pakistani Muslim for close to 50 years. I am acutely aware of the potential difficulties that can arise in an interreligious marriage, especially when religious differences between spouses are compounded by racial and cultural differences. Photo: Wikimedia. Interfaith marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims are occurring with increasing frequency in Canada and often come with concerning issues for couples as well as their parents. A marriage between a Muslim and a Roman Catholic can pose particular challenges, because both traditions have rules seeking to ensure the prevalence of their own religion in the relationship. Seeking to effectively navigate religious rules prior to and throughout an interfaith marriage can cause great tension, requiring education, accommodation, and mindful decision-making on the part of the couple and their extended families.
What Muslim Women (Really) Want from Men
Many Muslim parents with adult children considering marrying outside of their faith fear that their son or daughter may abandon their faith. Their grandchildren may not be raised Muslim and could grow up without any religion at all. Some also fear repercussions with respect to the social perception of their family by other members of the Muslim community. According to Islamic Law Shariah , if a Muslim man wishes to marry a non-Muslim woman other than a Christian or a Jew, the woman must convert to Islam. Even a woman who converts to Islam after marriage must not remain married to a non-Muslim husband. The rationale given for these rulings is that if men required special permission to marry a non-Muslim, women also require special permission. Others maintain that allowing a Muslim woman to marry a Christian or a Jew or, indeed, any man of another faith, may put her religious beliefs and rights at risk and potentially cause her to face oppression in the practice of her faith. In recent years, a number of Islamic scholars have argued that this assumption no longer holds true, as men and women are treated as equals and women are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. Indeed, a number of imams, notably in Europe and North America, are conducting such marriages. According to Islamic Law, if a Muslim man marries a Jewish or Christian woman, the woman has the right to continue practicing her faith.But the children of a Muslim man must always be raised as Muslims. No Muslim is permitted to convert to another religion. Any such act is viewed as apostasy and punishable, including by death in some Islamic jurisdictions. While the religious laws in Islam with respect to interfaith marriage seem relatively clear, it is less clear how they can realistically be implemented. If the non-Islamic partner in a relationship is willing to learn about and wholeheartedly embrace Islam, compliance with the rules may cause few problems. If religion is not important to her or him, they may embrace Islam in name only in what may essentially be a conversion of convenience. But if religion truly matters to both parties, abiding by the Islamic laws on interfaith marriage may either produce an inequitable, imbalanced relationship, dominated by the Muslim partner, or rule out a marriage altogether. Photo: Etsy. A Jewish or Christian woman who marries a Muslim man may be allowed to practice her faith, but only with limitations. She will be expected not to share her faith with her children which, if she happens to be Roman Catholic, may conflict with her religious requirement to raise her children in her faith. If the children only learn about the faith of one parent, this can produce the perception in them that one parent is more important than the other. We have created you male and female, and have made you into nations and tribes, in order that you might come to know one another. In the sight of God, the noblest among you is the one who is most deeply conscious of God. Sardar writes:. When the context changes or the law ceases to reflect the principle, the law must be changed. When we closely examine the rules, it becomes clear that they only address men. They reflect the context of a patriarchal society where women played a subordinate and secondary role; a society in which fathers arranged marriages for their sons and daughters who were expected to comply with their decisions, and where marriage was defined more by collective family interests than as a union between two individuals based on mutual love. By contrast, young women and men in Canada today expect to be treated equitably.
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