First , the other person is the only one who asks the guy questions about himself, he answers them and may ask the same question back. The guy could just not be that interested in you. One of the disadvantages to online dating is that people are just there to hook up even though they say otherwise. They might ask a few in the beginning to rope you into a conversation with them. He just might be having a hard time keeping the conversation going. This was another common answer. The guy read your profile, even if it was extensive, and learned a lot about you. Some people feel the need for others to know how valuable they are because deep down they are insecure. He might have downloaded the app, uploaded a picture, and filled out his profile quickly. He may just not be putting in that much effort to get to know anyone and date them. He might be having trouble coming up with things to say or not want to cross a line by asking you something personal. There are a few things you can do to see if you can turn the conversation around.
The Surprising Secret to Getting Dates on Dating Apps
If he never catches on, it might be good to move on. Whatever the reason is, you can try the tips above to try to redirect the conversation. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Looking for love on Tinder, Bumble, or one of the many online dating sites? You and every other eligible person out there are slogging through the morass of candidates, trying to find that one needle in the haystack. Luckily, the right conversation starters for your date can get the ball rolling; you only need to know which questions to ask and when. The main point is to keep it light while gently probing for more information that will enlighten you on whether he is good first-date material. We have divided the questions into various categories to make it easier for you to find the most relevant ones. And you can see if your risk tolerance matches his. While this question may sound cliche, it is an important one to ask. Knowing what kinds of activities one enjoys can give you a better idea of their interests and passions. This is a great question to explore their dreams and aspirations. One of the ways to get to know someone is by finding out what they like to watch and read.It can open up a discussion about which genres of media they are most interested in, and it can also help you to know if you two share similar tastes in entertainment. Asking this question can be a fun way to get them thinking about what activities they would like to pursue if given the opportunity. For some, it may be an electronic device, while for others, it may be a particular item of clothing. Regardless, finding out what that one thing is can open a conversation about why it is so important to them. This is one of those deep and thought-provoking questions. It is a great way to get someone thinking about the importance of their life experiences and what kind of legacy they would like to leave behind. This question is great for finding out what one values and what aspects of themselves they are most proud of. It can be something small, like learning a new skill, or something bigger, like overcoming a personal challenge. The answer to this question can give you an idea of the kind of things they may not tolerate or accept in a relationship. Some of the best memories come from time spent with friends, making this a great question to ask. Not only is it fun to hear about their most humorous moments, but it can also give you a glimpse into their relationship with their friends. Knowing might help you plan one for the two of you if things work out. Music can be a powerful form of expression, and asking which song has the most meaning for them is a great way to get to know their innermost thoughts and feelings. It can also open up a conversation about why the song holds such meaning for them.
Key findings about online dating in the U.S.
Are you more of an introvert or extrovert? This question can give you an idea of how outgoing your date is and how comfortable they are in social situations. If one of you is an extreme introvert and the other is a true extrovert, that might spell conflict down the road. Asking them to share this experience can make for a fun conversation, and it may even give you ideas for a future surprise. Bucket list items can be very diverse, and it can be interesting to find out what kind of experiences and adventures your date wants to have in their lifetime. Asking this can help you get a better understanding of their views on relationships and help you make sure that your expectations are aligned. Everybody has their own way of unwinding and relaxing after a long day. From reading to yoga and meditation, it can give you an idea of what kind of activities the guy likes to do in their free time. This question can be a fun conversation starter , as there are many great quotes. You never know what kind of unique words of wisdom he might share. Learning is a lifelong process, and finding out what kind of new information has made an impression on him recently can be interesting. For this question, you must be open-minded and ready to explore different topics, such as politics, history, psychology, or even video games. And remember to ask for a fun fact about their favorite topic. Do they want to travel the world, open their own business, or just enjoy a worry-free life? Knowing what values someone holds dear can give you a better understanding of their character and behavior. This is a great philosophical question that can lead to a lively debate. Life can be full of regrets, and this is a great way to talk about those moments. It can be interesting to hear what one would change in their life if they could and the different paths they may have taken.While whatever happened was probably embarrassing for him, this is a fun and humorous way to get an interesting story out of him. Nicknames can be embarrassing, funny, and even cringe-worthy. It can be amusing to hear what kind of nicknames someone has had in the past and how they got them. Would you rather unknowingly snore in a silent library or fart loudly on a crowded bus? Dreams can be strange and have symbolic meanings, so this is a fun way to get your date talking about the subconscious mind. Pick-up lines can be cringy, but they can make for funny conversations. This question can get your date to reveal their silly side. We all have those moments when we laugh at something inappropriate—for example, when someone clumsily trips and falls in public. This is a fun way to reminisce about those moments. Feel free to weigh in on whether or not you think the joke was actually bad or if it was just a case of bad timing and delivery. It could spark an interesting debate. Well, your date might also have heard a few of them, and this is an excellent way to get them talking about it. Dares can be fun but can lead to some of the craziest stories. It could even reveal the side of your date that loves to take risks and push the boundaries. From pets to wild animals, this is a great way to get someone to share some of their funniest animal stories. It can be interesting to hear who your date would choose as their celebrity alter-ego. It can also reveal what they aspire to be and the type of people they look up to. Random facts can be an entertaining way to start a conversation.
https://cdn.ponly.com/wp-content/uploads/Questions-to-ask-a-guy-3-1-1400x933.jpg7 Reasons Guys Don’t Ask You Questions on Dating Apps
And there is always something to learn, no matter how mundane or weird the fact may be. Parents can be embarrassing sometimes, and this question can get your date to share their funniest moments with their parents. It could also lead to some interesting conversations about generational differences and how each perceives certain situations. Funny characters from movies or TV shows can make us laugh and bring up some interesting conversations. Who knows, you might even have the same favorite character. Karaoke songs can bring out the inner singer in us, and this question is a fun way to find out what your date loves to belt out. The classic debate. Find out if your date is a pineapple on pizza supporter or an opponent and why they feel that way. Nobody is perfect, and almost all of us have those moments when something goes wrong — for example, spilling your drink on someone or tripping over your own feet. These situations can make for a funny story to share. Sometimes the most interesting conversations come from the weirdest experiences. Find out what your date did on their most memorable, unique date. All you need is to ask the right questions and be open to their answers and unique perspectives. This will help you connect and get to know your date better. You may feel overwhelmed and directionless with so many options and men available. Forget the fairy-tale dream of being chased after in an attempt to win your heart. Forget the love letters, the roses, the poems and songs. Forget it all. So what is it about these guys that is keeping them from pursuing you? Why have so many men failed to step it up and make the move?
What does it mean if a date doesn’t ask you questions?
You are just as capable of furthering your friendship with this guy than with anyone of your friends. So go ahead and show a little love and by a little, I mean a little. We ladies have the tendency to go all out , and then step back and see what happens. So you went ahead and showed a little love, and still, nothing. I know a lot of women have the tendency to jump to this conclusion immediately, and start getting down on themselves wondering: Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. I always remind my single friends that at the end of the day, you want to be with someone who is just as crazy about you as you are about them. You are worth far more than that. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I Ask Questions in My Online Dating Emails, But They Don’t Ask Questions Back.
Wait for someone who views you as a catch worth finding. Believe it or not girls, some of these eligible bachelors are just as insecure and unsure as you are. If you are worried your secret interest might be fearful, the best thing you can do for him is pray. Ask God to give him strength and courage, pray for his heart, soul, mind and strength. I think the biggest favor we can do for ourselves as women is to stop blaming his lack of pursuit on ourselves. I applaud those men, because at the end of the day a healthy relationship begins with two people who have done some good solid work on themselves. Those who are willing to put the work in up front will have so much less work to do when they are united with another in holy matrimony. Take that as a sign and instead of waiting around obsessing over his next move, use your time to reflect on your personal journey. What areas of your life need some focus? Some healing? Some work? What goals should you be working toward? Take some time to do some of this work in your own life. Because healthy people will always make for healthy relationships. Sometimes timing can be a matter of perspective. I remember the months of developing a friendship with my husband, wondering when would be the right time to take the next step and start dating.
Looking back, his idea of the right time, and my idea of the right time were totally different. There were so many things that could have gone wrong had the timing been anything other than what it was. I think what it comes down to is that the only One who really knows what good timing means, is the inventor of time Himself. Seek to connect with God, to know His heart, and ask Him to lead both you and your certain interest to just the right time in just the right way. God is good and opening the doors for things that are right, and closing them hard for things that are not. Above all else single ladies , more than trusting a man to do the right thing at the right time…trust God to lead and guide your life and the life of your future spouse in exactly the way that He sees best. After all, He is the Master Matchmaker. He can surely be trusted. Debra is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in dating, marriage, and relationship issues, along with a spectrum of mental health disorders and issues. Her popular relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates. Connect with her on Instagram , Facebook or Twitter! Why is he taking so long to ask me out? Share 1K. Pin Subscribe Now! Let's be email friends!
51 Of The Most Essential Online Dating Questions To Ask A Guy
Get advice straight to you inbox plus tons of freebies! Few, however, have been as significant as the way that online dating has changed. I watched major dating sites become infested with zombie accounts and new ones populated entirely with fake profiles and bots. Tinder may have helped bring online dating into the mainstream, it also changed the game. In fact, their frustration has only increased, in no small part because the way people use dating apps is increasingly counter-productive. Quite frankly, the people who use the apps the most are using them wrong. In fact, those misconceptions about how online dating works and the swipe mechanic coincide to make it harder to meet people. However, the core reason why people struggle with dating apps comes from a very common mistake. If you want to actually get matches, responses and dates on the apps, then you need to make one simple change…. As absurd as this sounds, getting off the apps and out into the world will turbocharge your dating life and improve your results from Tinder, Hinge and more. Sound strange? The disconnect that folks have is that dating apps are about people. The men who struggle the most with finding matches and turning those matches into dates make the same mistake: they treat it like every other online space. Dating apps are about dating and interacting with people, not getting Reddit karma or sick dunks for retweets. Succeeding on dating apps means that you need to develop your social skills. The same skills that help you succeed at meeting and connecting with people in person are the same skills that help you find your perfect match on Bumble. However, a lot of folks treat dating apps as a replacement for meeting people in person — not a supplement, but a complete substitute. Now, this is understandable; it feels like the perfect way to connect with more folks in the span of a half hour than you would after six hours in a singles bar. If you suffer from approach anxiety or social awkwardness , dating apps feel like a safe space where you can plan your every move with precision.
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But the problem with this outlook is that you still need to cultivate in-person social skills. People are still people, regardless of where they congregate. We, as a species, evolved for face to face communication. When all of your socializing is through a screen, you find that your ability to connect in the flesh becomes a trial. The thing people often forget is that those social skills apply to online dating just as much as they do to meeting in person … if not more so. Regardless of where and how you meet, dating requires skills that a lot of folks have neglected. However, the people who struggle the most tend to be the ones who inadvertently advertise how rarely they interact with people IRL — or at least, people beyond their co-workers and service industry employees. This terminally-online approach, especially when combined with a swipe-based mechanic in dating apps, is part of what leads to an incredibly frustrating experience for everyone. It creates a dynamic that works against you, while making it that much harder for you to connect with the very folks you are hoping to meet in person. This is why one of the most important things you can do if you want to improve your results on dating apps is — paradoxically — to spend less time online and more time socializing in person. Meeting people, having interesting conversations and learning how to foster relationships with people — not just your friends but fascinating strangers. While yes, knowing how to take a good photo is important , understanding people and how to connect with them is vital.
The gendered way we’ve learned to ask questions is terrible for both men and women
Almost every woman you know can regale you with stories of hot dudes who look great in photos, but whose profile left them dryer than the Sahara. They may have the Bentley or the six-pack abs, but their profile was full of more red flags than the Running of the Bulls at Pamplona. Your pictures are only part of your profile. As the saying goes: first you have their curiosity, but then you need their attention. The people who are the best at capturing the attention of their prospective matches are the folks who understand people as people , not abstract concepts, quasi-fictional characters in their story or NPCs following scripts and algorithms. If you want people to do more than flick through a couple of photos and leave, you have to think about what drives other people and what makes them tick; you need less Big Blue and more Don Draper. This is all but screaming how he behaves in person as well as on Tinder. Think of how you would connect with the people you see on Hinge if you were to meet them in person. How would you present yourself to them? We do this all the time in person, because the alternative comes off as awkward at best. Telling someone at the bar about how funny you are will get you weird looks and eye-rolls.
The same applies when it comes to the dating apps. Show how adventurous or wacky or cool you are, with your pictures, your profile, even the questions or prompts you choose to answer or leave blank. That means you want to think about this in terms of talking to someone in person, not just reading on a screen. Get a friend — preferably someone who spends more time offline than on — to read over your profile and tell you how it comes across. If the person in that profile were to hang out with them, would your friend want to talk to them? Would they date them? If not, why not? Are there parts of your profile that come off as too stilted, demanding or awkward if they were spoken out loud? The most important aspect of dating apps that people often forget is that matches, in and of themselves, mean nothing. Someone matching with you is just the starting point, not the end goal. If you want more than just a match, then you need to start with a conversation. No, seriously. The average first message from a guy on a dating app is 12 characters long.
What I've learned about men from countless hours of Tinder
Characters , not words. Of course, the next most common opening messages are ones that are blatantly copied and pasted, blasted out like shotgun shells in the hopes that someone might not have heard it already. How are you supposed to start a conversation from this? Whether intentional or not, each of these puts the burden of actually starting and maintaining the conversation on the woman they wrote to. This one — while another blatant copy-paste job — is at least clever and could get a chuckle out of someone. It may not lead to more than a short back and forth, but at least it invites some sort of reply:. In the early days, when messaging on dating apps was more akin to sending e-mail, an approach like this made a little more sense; you were essentially pitching them on checking out your profile and then writing back to you if they wanted to know more. Now, however, messaging on the apps is more like instant messaging or texting, with many — if not most — of the conversation happening in real time. So, you want to treat these like an actual conversation. Look at these examples and ask yourself: would you start a conversation with a stranger at a bar or a Starbucks like this? Of course not. So what makes for a solid first message? Humor works every time, hands down.So does asking genuine, interesting and specific questions — ones that relate to her and her profile and ideally show that you read her profile. Or ninjas? Otherwise you run the risk of a promising start that just tapers off to awkward silence. However, one of the continual frustrations women deal with on the apps is how long it takes to actually get to the date part of online dating. While yes, you want to establish chemistry and mutual interest, you also want to move the conversation towards an in-person meeting as soon as is reasonable. Not an orderly system of rational actors, but chaos goblins who frequently say one thing and do another. Regardless of how insulting, incorrect or just plain hateful those reasons may be. Part of what makes online dating increasingly frustrating is how superficial of an experience it can be. However, how it started matters less than how people feel currently. The fact of the matter is that many app users — particularly men — use dating apps in a way that leaves people lonelier and more depressed than they had before. One of the single biggest sources for this misery is the way that people try to apply market forces to dating. And unfortunately, that marketplace mentality backfires, messily and all over the place. Now, yes, I freely admit I use marketing concepts when describing dating, particularly online dating. If you ever want a prime example of how the terminally online approach backfires, look at anyone who treats online dating like a marketplace.
Online Dating: Guy Doesn’t Ask Questions? (What It Means)
A lot of people see dating apps as literal exercises in economic theory and behave accordingly. Dating, and online dating in particular, is chaotic. It can be stressful, precisely because you never can be fully in control of the process. If you understand those rules, then you can use them to predict outcomes and guarantee results…. But in practice, it always fails, for incredibly predictable reasons. People, however, change their behaviors and act in different ways at different times and in different settings. People who behave one way — say, preferring a more active nightlife of bars, clubs and casual dating — will often behave a completely different way later on as their interests and needs change. That same person could well go through both stages over the course of their time on the dating apps and change their behaviors accordingly. By that same token, people may think they have preferences that are locked in stone. They set their profiles to find people who meet those preferences and focus like a laser on an increasingly small subset of matches who match their search parameters. Emotional chemistry is difficult to predict, and we often find ourselves attracted to folks who are nothing like who we say we want, while folks who are perfect for us on paper leave us scratching our head at why we ever thought we liked them. People date around before committing, they cheat, they practice polyamory or ethical non-monogamy. Or they may return to the market later on because the relationship ended.
The marketplace model of dating falls even further apart when you consider the impossibility of ascribing value as an absolute to a person. For that matter, what one person values could work against them. Bisexuality in women may be valued by many… but the bi and pansexual women tend to find being reduced to their sexuality to be a turn-off. Even if there were some societal definition of value, people prioritize different things in different stages of their lives. However flawed and inaccurate the marketplace model may be, the greater drawback is how it sets its followers up for failure when life inevitably fails to play by those rules. Case in point: you can find any number of people who will complain bitterly about the male-to-female ratio on apps. This outlook is a bright, 10, watt spotlight, shining down on the level of entitlement on display. By the rules of the marketplace, he should be more valued, he should be better able to get the women he feels are on his level. But women stubbornly persist in not following those rules and dating anyone they damn well please. Now he finds that he has to work to try to get what he wants, rather than having it handed to him, and this is wrong , somehow. And since his bitterness bleeds into everything else he does, it only serves to push women even further away. Part of what makes the marketplace mentality especially off-putting is how fervently people try to cling to it and prove its validity. Someone got this many matches but few responses to their messages. Ok… why? Does the data account for those matches talking to other people? Does it account for them meeting people off the apps and deciding to date them?
Why Don’t Men Ask Me More Questions On Dates?
Then the data is functionally meaningless. At best, it tells part of the story but not the important parts. The information gets simplified so far that it it becomes useless. That data is limited to the reactions of the folks that the algorithm decided to show the profile to. People who may well have been thrilled to match with them may never have even seen the profile because the algo never picked them. There was no separation of what the person liked or disliked — was it a bad photo or an offensive profile — nor was there any data covering variables like the age or race of the person being rated. The idea that there was any meaningful information to be found in that was laughable. It was noise, masquerading as signal. What makes the marketplace mentality especially counterproductive to dating — particularly online dating — is the literal dehumanization of it all. Input the correct values and get the desired result. Small wonder that people respond poorly to this approach. It encourages treating people like bots, not individuals, and not actually responding to them as people. Nor is it a panacea for folks who neglected their social skills or who are socially inexperienced. Relationships may start on apps, but they progress in physical space. Worse, the swipe mechanic can encourage mindless swiping and end up reinforcing your loneliness.Studies have found a correlation between loneliness and compulsive app use that sets up a negative feedback loop. The lonelier you are, the more you invest in those potential matches on Tinder. When your primary social interactions are via phones and computers, you cut yourself off from the very connections you crave. It becomes a way of excusing making the hard choices and deciding to make changes. But all of that is just your ego fucking with you. Online dating can be an intensely frustrating experience. Nobody disagrees with that. But while some of the issues are structural, others are relational. Treating dating apps as anything other than a method of finding people you can introduce yourself to — people who are explicitly looking to date — is a recipe for misery. The apps are showing you a limited selection of people that is contingent on what the folks who coded the algorithms think about compatibility. Instead, folks treat it like a game that you can min-max your way through and try to find efficient strategies, rather than engaging with people as people. The same people you are hoping to convince to swipe right on you get exhausted and jaded by folks who treat them like especially clever NPCs and end up just quitting… which makes things even more frustrating. Nobody is saying otherwise. The same is true about who tends to initiate on dating apps; the same social dynamics that influence us in the flesh follow us online. If you want to have greater success from online dating, then you need to prioritize your offline life. That means meeting people, interacting with folks in the flesh and developing your social skills.
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