Craig asks: I am year-old single male who decided to try Internet dating as thought it would be a great way to actually meet someone based not entirely on physical attraction. We initially sent each other a couple of emails before exchanging mobile numbers. Our first conversation lasted two hours and one of her stipulations was that she did not send text messages nor ask men out. I was comfortable with that. We talked a few more times on the phone with each chat lasting about an hour. In these chats we shared so much, which ranged from meaningful to light-hearted etc. I replied saying that I cared about her etc and would call that night, which I did and we had another long chat where she asked when we were going to meet up. I agreed to meet her on the Sunday — This was no blind date as both our photos were posted on the dating site. Our encounter was at her place and for only three hours, as she had to meet someone at the airport. The encounter was very intimate — good conversation, hugs, kisses but no sex, which was fine, as I did not read her to be the type of female sleeping with men they had known for a month. We had a few more conversations over the phone and same as before they were long etc. I believe her as she has removed her profile from the site. The other thing I found confusing was that during our encounter she would still be on the site nearly every second-third day. Sometimes I felt like I was just a number.
Inconsistent Men – What His Mixed Signals Tell You About His Intentions
And she had been on the site for over a year. She also had two dependent children who spent only every second weekend with their father. I was comfortable with that and the fact she was dating other men. Having felt for a long time chemistry with a female not just physical etc as much as this and knew she felt the same way as per details given. Did I blow it by not going to see her on the Sat night after she sent text message? She needs to remember that 37yo single guys have already made plans by 7. In short what went wrong? The classic sign of someone who is emotionally unavailable is that their actions are almost always in contradiction with whatever is coming out of their mouths. But regardless of what you had done, she is still likely to have found some poor hapless groomsman to be co-dependent, commitment-phobic, emotionally unavailable, and generally screwed up with. This woman is clearly looking for a source of comfort that she has been struggling to fill and right now, someone who has just been burnt themselves seems to fit the bill better. Whilst some may read her subsequent text message as a sign of how interested she must be in you, I read this as a trap. Even after you meet up, she still continues to text you. This woman has manipulated you. The big flag that did jump up at me about you though was not calling for three days. Why three? You felt very connected to her but you still chose to create this idea of space. If you did mind, which I sense you did, there is nothing wrong with that. The trouble with internet dating is that it can create the illusion of a connection that may not actually exist.The flurry of emails and phonecalls and appearing to be soulmates is no substitution for getting to know each other face to face in the real world. Hi Brad, guess who? I have to completely and totally disagree with your comment. I am a single mother, of an 8yr old boy, and I do NOT introduce him to anyone I have only been on one date with and known for less than a month. Unless of course this person is a friend he had known prior. It is about mutual respect between mother and child. Furthermore, introducing your children to a man does denote commitment, but not with someone you met online! Safety first Brad! Case in point: I was dating a man I have known for quite some time, nothing very serious, but it was mutually exclusive which by the way I always am and state so upfront , so after a month or so, I felt comfortable introducing my son to him. It was very casual, very no pressure, and they got along well. No expectations on my part of anyone or anything. After a child goes through a divorce, even a very amicable one such as mine, you still have to tread very very carefully. Just fyi. Give it time!!! NML, very very good response to Craig. Texting should be illegal anyway. Especially after a pint.
Fed up with inconsistency in relationships? Learn how to deal with emotional inconsistency!
I would do my own evaluation based on my love, caring and compassion for all involved. I know my son well enough to know that if I am happy, he is happy. It is my job as his mother to ensure that anyone I choose to bring into his life will be the best possible influence to him, but especially me. Do they need to get along?! Cheekie, It seems we actually agree, mostly. I have also seen other strategies work as well or as badly. This woman had severe issues. No matter what you did she would be inconsistent and you are lucky that it did not go further. I had such a bad experience online and it took a year to get over it. Disturbed people can play because of that false connection and the ease of lying online. The internet is full of disturbed and confused people. The more disturbed people you allow in your space, the lower your self-esteem goes and then you become even more of a target for predators. Disconnect at the first sign of inconsistency and move on. As a general comment, the whole online dating thing is very different from what people who are single after a long term relationship are used to. It is difficult to adjust to the concept of getting to know somebody without actually having met them, and one ends up expecting to start a relationship after a few, however intimate, phone calls, which tends to be bad news. Nada, agree with the online dating comment. I mean EVER.At least for a long long while, and this is especially important if you have kids. Meet his friends, family — anyone! Then introduce him to your family. Namely kids. I have had the very unfortunate experience of being stalked by a guy I met online. Of course, when I first met him he was sweet, gentle, romantic…a professional, athletic guy who seemed very down to earth. That went terribly wrong about a week into it, and my spidey senses told me not to give out too much info. I am so glad to this day that he only had my first name and cell number. I tend to agree with you cheekie about kids and dating. I can remember meeting my divorced parents many dates. A situation I found uncomfortable and no doubt added to my cynicism about love and romance that I struggle with today. That woman fits the bill as classic wishy washy woman…good riddance I say and better luck next time. Not sure where my comment fits in to any immediate discussion, though felt in general that my recent experience is worth sharing. I wanted to give voice to gay men out there, who find themselves with other gay men…who are still married to their wives.
How Can I Make an Inconsistent Man Act More Consistently?
There was no secret about it when I met him online. As a divorced man and father myself, who experienced a less than amiacable divorve, i viewed his situation as potentially healing for me. Embracing not only him, but his supportive wifa and children as well. After 2 years, and numerous seperations it all finally clicked. My final words: My love cannot flourish under these circumstances. I remain still somewhat stunned by the reality that some are either unwilling or unable to grow. I realize now how love and desire can blind you to unavailability. Thanks for letting me share. Copyright Natalie Lue , All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work. I respect your privacy and only subscribe you to what you've specifically requested.
Unsubscribe at any time. Advice: Where did I go wrong? Tags: Abandonment , chemistry , emotional unavailability , Online Dating : People supermarket , Sex advice. Related posts:. Guest Post: If you have to wonder if your man is going to spend Christmas with you-run! Brad K. Sar on at pm. Nada on at pm. Steven McCormack on at pm. Search for:. The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me? Take the quiz. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behaviour or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Functional Functional Always active The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Votre commentaire: