Dating Short Guys Memes

Farewell, Your memes are now consigned to the great digital dustbin in the cloud. Goodbye, the Liz Truss lettuce. Sayonara, anything about The Queue. Memes futures trading is very, very hot and there are a few areas where far-sighted investors will likely find healthy returns this year. Enforced solemnity plus hundreds of world leaders to the power of an old man going through an incredibly mysterious and arcane ritual? A few old favourites will continue to pay dividends. What were all tharrabout?? Some memes are born out of a cultural moment, a shared experience which we need to compute through lower case captions and image macros. Some gradually build meaning over time, hitting a critical mass at which everyone understands them and can start to subvert and experiment with them. And sometimes — when the wind blows in the right direction, and the stars align — one of Kevin James' old headshots from King of Queens goes viral. Why is it funny? Big question. It's the shrug. It's the little smirk. It's the not-quite-casual-enough off-duty look whoever was on wardrobe duties has given him.

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It's the Paul Blart: Mall Cop of it all. He's sheepish. He's sort of pleased with himself. He's got both hands in both pockets. And it's just endlessly reusable. That look on James' face says: hey, you know what I'm like, buddy. I'm gonna do it again. You just watch. It's been a long time since we had a proper, no-holds-barred, honest-to-goodness summer blockbuster showdown in the cinemas, but this July is one for the ages. Then, a week and a half later, Christopher Nolan's extremely serious, extremely star-filled biopic of the philosopher-king of the atomic bomb, J Robert Oppenheimer, comes out on the same day as Greta Gerwig's extremely not-serious, extremely star-filled kinda-biopic of the philosopher-queen of Barbieland, Barbie. The imagined rivalry between the two camps has been ripe memeing territory. Naturally, people are trying to work out how best to work the potential double-bill come the weekend.Our suggestion: meet the gang for 11am, bottomless brunch, Barbie , late lunch, Oppenheimer, sit down with an old fashioned, stare into the void, bed. So, Yung Chaz finally got his hands on the crown after odd years of apprenticeship. It absolutely pissed it down, as is tradition for coronations in the UK, and all the other pageantry was deployed with the usual solemnity. Two big moments stood out. First, there was Charles looking slightly mystified at what he was being told to say by the guy holding his lines. You'd have thought he'd be off-book by previews, but anyway. Then there was Penny Mordaunt in her very snazzy outfit and wielding a sword as Lord President of the Council. We dodged a bullet here: if the Queen had carked it a year earlier, Jacob Rees-Mogg would have been on sword duties. The mix of celebs and posh nobs was quite a thing to see. And they let some where-are-they-now types in to beef up the numbers too. So a fine time was had by all.

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And, in the end, quite a lot of peaceful protestors were arrested and kept in cells for 16 hours despite having run their plans past police beforehand, and some bystanders who had nothing to do with anything got carted away too. Yet another good day's work for the Met! They really are on a roll at the minute, aren't they? And so, finally, three years after the start of the pandemic and 18 months after the first reports of leaving dos, booze-ups and ABBA-assisted shindigs celebrating Dominic Cummings' resignation, Boris Johnson was hauled in front of MPs to answer to accusations of misleading the House of Commons. The three-hour session at the privileges committee was the first time that he'd been forced to undergo a proper examination with proper consequences. If the committee finds that his statement to the House — that no lockdown rules had been broken in 10 Downing Street despite a run of what looked suspiciously like parties — was said while knowing it wasn't true, he could be suspended from Parliament. A suspension of 10 or more days means his Uxbridge constituents could call for him to face a by-election, which could see him lose his seat. High stakes stuff, even if there's more 'coulds' in there than you'd expect in a political thriller. Pannick, who's also working with Manchester City on their case with the Premier League where they're accused of breaking financial rules, was semi-regularly spotted looking slightly less than satisfied with something. Perhaps it was the questions being fired at his client. Perhaps it was the fact Johnson got a right hump on at one point and started having a pop at the committee. Either way, the eyebrows were very lively. We await the committee's report, but it didn't feel like Johnson had managed to talk anyone round to his way of thinking. At the very least, there are about three more stages at which the memes will cascade. Say what you like about Johnson, the man knows how to generate content. Now that some time has passed, it's hard to fathom quite how thoroughly the Gary Lineker story shoved absolutely everything else off the news agenda. At one point the Telegraph had eight different comment pieces about it running simultaneously. On Twitter Lineker criticised it as an "immeasurably cruel policy" which was being used against "the most vulnerable people in language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s".Suella Braverman said that was "irresponsible". This did not, it's fair to say, go down the way that the BBC high-ups intended it to. First to support Lineker was known mensch and all round good guy Ian Wright. It all looked quite desperate for the Beeb, and deeply impressive for its unofficial football production union. It all smells slightly funny. Come It showed the highlights, but with just crowd noise and no analysis. It was rubbish. Nonetheless lots of Tories turned up to insist that actually — actually! Funnily enough! Scott Benton, MP for Blackpool South, said that it was the best edition "in years" as in a break with six decades of precedent it "had all the goals in". He also claimed it "finished quicker than usual so I could make the pub for last orders," which, if true, sounds like a cry for help. By the middle of the following week, Lineker had been given an apology and was back on usual duties. What an absolute palaver.

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But why? Well, the proportions are perfect. A press release offered some more intel. They were a massive pain in the arse to actually get off your feet once they were in, but it's a small price to pay to be king for the eight days or so that everyone was obsessed with them. Now, we all love the Baftas. They're a great and glorious thing. They can, however, be a little bit dry at times. This year was something of an exception. The whole thing was baffling, but it was that first line — "Angela Bassett did the thing" — and the shoulder-shimmy that accompanied it, which really went big. The whole thing got a bit of a kicking. She worked with a great musical director and choreographer. So it was a real team effort. She had an amazing team around her, and she and her team put the whole piece together. But then the bafflement turned into full-blooded veneration of a moment of high camp which generally gets purged from big pop cultural ceremonies in the UK. Lizzo and Adele shouted it out onstage. It even started getting played in clubs. The club denies any wrongdoing. But deny as it may, it can't stop fans from other clubs rubbing their thighs with glee at the idea of the champions being busted down a division, and being made to hand back any pots won during the disputed period, and possibly also forced to have their Etihad sponsorship taken off their shirts and replaced by a sign reading "I AM A BIG STUPID BABY". There were lots of bits which caught the eye, but if you wanted the full experience you really needed to invest in the audiobook version. Quite a lot of knob chat in there.

Kevin James

The word 'todger' is simultaneously the only word you'd expect a man of Harry's station to use for his penis, and also the worst one he could possible have chosen. Me todger. This ol' todger o' mine. Young todge. Lots of fun was had with the bits in between the bits where he was excoriating the Royal Family for all sorts of alleged misdeeds, bad vibes and straight-up horribleness. Spare is not the kind of book you can just walk straight back into the family Christmas do from. It is a hand grenade lobbed into a kennels full of corgis. But then, we've all felt like doing something similar at one job or another. On 19 October, with her Home Secretary resigning in a huff and her new Chancellor merrily tearing up everything she and her other Chancellor had attempted to do, Truss declared at PMQs that she was "a fighter, not a quitter". About 24 hours later, Truss announced she would resign as Prime Minister on 20 October. After hitting every single pothole, trapdoor and banana skin that her government possibly could — and throwing in a couple more entirely unforced errors to boot — the Truss era collapsed in disarray. Ed 'Chaos' Miliband set up a potentially tricky vote in the Commons over fracking which, for some reason, the government turned into a quasi-confidence vote and told its MPs it was a three-line whip. Then it said it wasn't. Then it said it was. There was chaos in the voting lobby, with the chief whip reportedly resigning on the spot there, then Truss frogmarching her to an office to ask her to reconsider, and in the process not scanning her card to vote in her own confidence vote. The country?

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Never heard of her. Now, the lettuce thing has been written about by everyone up to and including the New York Times, and they've given the appropriate praise to the Daily Star's livestream of a lettuce. That was very, very funny. But all the lettuce material came from a leader article in The Economist on 11 October, which opened with one of the all-time great withering political assessments. She blew up her own government with a package of unfunded tax cuts and energy-price guarantees on September 23rd. Take away the ten days of mourning after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, and she had seven days in control. That is roughly the shelf-life of a lettuce. And the internet really pulled out all the stops too. The interest rates on Da Bungalow mortgage must be pretty spicy. Well, at least you know now that whenever you start a new job it'll never go as badly as the first three weeks Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng had. The pound dipped to become worth almost the same as a dollar and the euro, the IMF had having kittens, and reporters said that pension funds would have been insolvent if the Bank of England hadn't stepped in. Yep, the time you reply-alled to everyone at your company asking where the toilets were really pales into insignificance. Not funny as the whole meltdown most definitely is Of course, the passing of the year-old Queen was a big moment for the UK. But imagine hearing that she'd gone not from Huw Edwards at the start of his mammoth day news bender, but from the British Kebab Awards. Or while innocently browsing for new nipple clamps. Liz Truss's address to the nation took a bit of a turn. And while all football was cancelled the weekend after the Queen's death, the punditry fraternity marked her passing in its own way. Then there was The Queue.After a wait of up to 24 hours, mourners were finally able to pay their respects at her lying-in-state. It's just hard to know what to do when you get there. Even in the last six years of absolute clusterfucks, the 72 hours between Sajid Javid and Rishi Sunak resignations as health secretary and chancellor and Boris Johnson finally admitting that maybe odd resignations was one for the ages. It was constitutionally horrifying, obviously, and the amount of time we've had to spend in the company of Suella Braverman in the aftermath has been very distressing. But it was also very, very, very funny. For seasoned watchers of political chaos, this was up there with the general election exit poll drop. The new ministers Johnson brought in to prop him up almost immediately joined the coup telling him he had to go. The resignations kept coming, alerting the general public to which MPs know how to use the scan document function in their Notes app and which don't. Michelle Donelan was Education Secretary for 34 hours. Michael Gove threatened to resign at 9pm on the second day of the drama if Johnson didn't go, only for Johnson to reportedly sack Gove a minute before his deadline. Johnson faced a select committee grilling where he admitted he'd met former KGB officer Alexander Lebedev in Italy just after the Skripal poisonings, and one of the committee members resigned on Twitter during the sitting. As a final chef's kiss, the Daily Mail thundered in with a bullish defence of Johnson's position that hit newstands about two hours before he announced he was off. Finally, Johnson gave a speech which didn't use the words 'sorry' or 'apologise' even once. And so the Tory leadership race started, and the crushing realisation that one of these dullards will be doing roughly the same dance in between 18 and 24 months' time. If you missed this one, it's going to need some explaining. On 22 February — a long time before she actually died — the gossip site Hollywood Unlocked posted an image of the Queen on Instagram.