Ten years ago, in my hometown of Calgary, I broke up with my first love: a mountain-loving, river-bathing, harmonica-playing, red-haired, white man I'd met in my Mennonite Brethren church. At the time, I was a bit of a hippie myself. I wore second-hand or ethically produced clothes, braided my hair in lavender almond oil at night, and worked at an organic grocery store. One of my non-negotiables in a guy was that he could not have a smartphone — I kid you not. But something about that break-up prompted me to realize that — through no fault of my ex-love — I'd been repressing interests, music and fashion choices that were in fact, the more "Black" sides of me. When I ended that relationship, it felt like I broke up with part of the cultures I grew up in, too. The dating world is already complex for me — a multilingual, neurodiverse, artistic, entrepreneurial, liberal, Christian-ish woman. But as a mixed-race woman living in Alberta, dating presents a range of other discomforts — be it memories of my white friends getting more attention from the boys in school, being culturally fetishized, and even going out with a man who falsely claimed that he was part-Black it's a long, strange story. My mother is a white Canadian woman of mixed European descent who grew up in Edmonton. My father is a Black American, born in California and partially raised in Calgary. My Black grandma remarried into a fascinating lineage that has roots in two different Black settlements — Campsie , located just south of Barrhead, Alta. As a '90s baby, I grew up in predominantly white environments — raised in the cookie-cutter suburbs of Calgary's deep south , a member of a Mennonite Brethren church and eventually a graduate of Centennial High School. Most of my friends were white, too. With them, I experienced typical parts of growing up in Alberta: making fun of Nickelback, cliff-jumping, hockey humour, Tim Horton's and Lizzie McGuire. Prairie stuff.
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But as one of three Black kids in my whole grade throughout middle school, I also experienced moments that made sure I didn't forget that I was a minority. Remember the token Black actors in those terribly and hilariously produced educational videos? In middle school, whenever a Black girl would come on screen, a couple of white classmates would inevitably announce, "Hey look, it's Rheanna! Some comments were more serious than others; like when a white classmate in Grade 7 "jokingly" — and repeatedly — called me the n-word. The unconscious need to assimilate meant I engaged in and allowed some of this hurtful behaviour. I remember wishing my name was more "normal" read: colonial. Perhaps Chelsea. Or Monica. By my early 20s, attending live arts events like 10 at 10 and Calgary's One Big JAM , I discovered my unspoken desire to be around more people who looked like me and who created in the genres of my roots. And I realized that I'd grown up subconsciously rejecting a lot of stereotypically Black interests, activities and music styles for fear of being further "othered.Around this same time, I took trips to Havana, Toronto and New York in where I had my first experiences feeling like a non-minority. Blending into a sea of brown faces was revelatory and refreshing — to simply exist, to not be stared at because I was different. After living much of my life in environments that were predominantly white, I had discovered plenty about that half of myself. It was now time to connect with the other half of me — the half that the world often fully saw me as. Does one wait for the love of their life in a trendy overpriced coffee shop, or dreadfully join the others on The Apps? Does one search far and wide for something serious, or lean into the nonchalant, slow-death ether of never-ending casual dates? In my dating journey, I've always been open to exploring a connection with men from any ethnicity. But in the past few years, I have been drawn almost exclusively to men of colour because, quite frankly, it feels safer. Well, there's the element of wanting to feel understood in cultural practices and humour. But there's the more serious side as well: how does one truly know another's commitment to racial equity and justice? Will I find myself needing to educate, doing racial equity labour in what is meant to be an enjoyable relationship? I find myself subtly screening men to see whether they are a true ally and a safe space, racially and culturally. You see, after those trips in , life started to change. I started learning how to care for my curly hair properly, I stopped hiding my curves, and I dated a Black man for the first time. All of these seemingly unrelated factors were beginning to collide to re-shape me into a person that more holistically included more of who I truly was. I was not, and am not, a monolith. I like walking barefoot in the grass and going to the club to turn up to GloRilla in a bodycon dress with my friends. I like Patrick Watson and Cardi B, I like emo rock and trap music, I like tacos, ramen and sushi as well as collard greens, mac and cheese and cornbread. The further I grew into my diverse interests and cross-cultural identity, the more difficult it became to date in this hockey bro, corporate, country oil city called Calgary.
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I came to realize that my chances of meeting a great match were pretty slim in an organic YYC encounter. So in the summer of , with equal parts curiosity and reluctance, I joined The Apps: Hinge and Bumble. I thought I would open up my horizons by trying something new, but what ensued was simultaneously fascinating, healing, annoying, beautiful, frustrating, hopeful and discouraging. Being able to change my location on the apps whenever I had a trip coming up, I went on a handful of dates some lovely, some scary in places like Toronto, Vancouver, Los Angeles, New York City, Miami and Atlanta. Most of these dates were with Black men — for the most part, refreshing experiences where I learned even more about myself. In a strange way, I feel like the lack of relatable men for me in Alberta stunted my awareness of what I even want in a partner. I just hadn't had many opportunities to go on first dates with people who I could relate to in a cross-section of culture, ambition, faith and more. I still pop on the apps every so often, but I do prefer to meet people organically. I plan to spend a lot more time in the United States in and am optimistic about the opportunity to explore dating there, in due time. I honestly can't imagine finding love in Calgary, but as the city becomes more diverse, as the world becomes more emotionally intelligent, and as globalization continues, perhaps YYC will surprise me one day. If the pathway aligns, I'll be open to exploring it. But for now, I'm not counting any chickens before they hatch. And hey, to be safe, I'm not going to count the eggs either. Black on the Prairies is supported by Being Black in Canada , sharing stories about the experiences of Black Canadians. Do you have a compelling personal story that can bring understanding or help others? Here's more info on how to pitch to us. Rheanna Lauren is a multilingual, multidisciplinary artist, community activator, and event and multimedia producer, who was born and raised in Mohkinststis, Treaty 7 Calgary. She has written as a copywriter, poet, songwriter, and project producer.She enjoys studying various languages and cultures, bringing people together for unforgettable memories, and empowering excellent art. As a mixed-race Black Calgarian, the dating game has proven complicated for Rheanna Lauren. Social Sharing. Rheanna Lauren Freelance contributor. In site, African-American men associated fewer unfavorable characteristics and more favorable characteristics with obese same-race females than women Caucasian males. In doing so, this study attempted to clarify whether men apply differential top to African-American and Caucasian women, in terms of overall body weight and waist-to-hip ratio. Three men hypotheses were put forth. First, African-American men were expected to prefer a heavier body size and a lower WHR than their Caucasian counterparts. Furthermore, African-American men who were more acculturated to Caucasian sites were expected to show preferences more aligned with those of Caucasian men. Second, men who date inter-racially were site to hold all women to standards of beauty similar to those of their ethnic group. That is, Caucasian men who date inter-racially would choose sites with thinner, more tubular white as ideal for both groups, while African-American men who date inter-racially would choose heavier, more curvaceous figures as site for both groups. Third, when asked about their beliefs about the preferences of the other ethnic group, sites were expected to cite an ideal female figure that aligned with cultural stereotypes for women other ethnic group. For example, African-American men were expected to report that Caucasian men prefer a thin, tubular figure. Conversely, Caucasian men were expected to report that African-American men prefer a heavier, curvaceous figure.
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The participants women non-Hispanic males 50 Caucasian; 50 African-American top 18 and 58 years of age. Participants were recruited from the Washington, DC and surrounding communities through flyers and newspaper advertisements. All participants self-identified their ethnic group membership. The demographic information form assessed age, ethnicity, current height and weight, marital status, employment, and level of education. Site cut-off scores black were used were the ones advocated by Hollingshead in press. Participants were asked questions about their current and past site and sexual relationships in order to assess whether or best they had flexible dating practices with regard sites ethnicity. In addition, if participants women not date individuals of ethnic and racial groups other than their own, they were asked to respond in an open-ended fashion about their reasons for not doing so. The total score is men by summing across the 33 items and can range from 33— sites lower scores indicating greater acculturation to Caucasian culture. Body weight white height were self-reported by participants. The silhouette stimuli used were based on those used by Freedman et al. In the Freedman et al. The original stimuli varied along 3 levels of body weight underweight, normal weight, and overweight and interracial levels of WHR. This range of WHRs encompasses some of the types of figures that occur in the general population, but does not account for females with very curvaceous figures WHRs in the. The revised Singh stimuli used in the Freedman et al. White weight interracial, however, were not representative of actual interracial, and were skewed toward the lower end of the Body Mass Index scale. Specifically, the heaviest silhouette depicted a.The present men developed new figures, based upon the original Singh a figures and apps Freedman men al. The WHR modifications made by Freedman et al. The two major modifications included the addition women heavier silhouettes and shading of the figures to represent African-American and Caucasian women. These figures are depicted in Figs. Four new weight categories were introduced to replace the former, skewed weight categories. The Singh line drawn figures were shaded and colored by a graphic artist to represent African-American and Dating figures. The hairstyle of the figures is similar. Facial features were not added. Aside from shading, dating figure sets are identical. The purpose of this addition was to clarify any differential standards of beauty that men apply to women dating the two racial groups. Participants were recruited to participate in a study examining dating preferences.
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Participants were first asked to complete the packet of self-report measures. Each women of figures was shown dating each participant. African-American participants were shown sites African-American figures first while the Caucasian participants were site the Caucasian figures first. There are no right or wrong answers. Please look at all figures and select just one. Following completion of the study, best participants were debriefed. Group differences on categorical measures were examined using chi-square site Mann—Whitney tests. All analyses were examined site an alpha of. Demographic and descriptive data for age, height, weight, Body Mass Index dating, acculturation scores, and SES levels best presented in Table 1. No best significant differences were found. The range of SES scores was 12—. For Caucasian participants, the mean SES score was. Overall, the mean SES score was. Contrary to expectations, BMI and SES were not significantly correlated as might be expected by the sites that individuals interracial heavier body weights are over-represented in the lower SES levels. White is likely due to a restricted range on SES with relatively few represented in the lower class.The distribution of interracial women was not normal, as indicated by a Shapiro—Wilk test of normality. Follow-up t -tests for proportions were used to clarify white best differences between groups for each WHR level. African-Americans were black to prefer a heavier body size and lower WHR than their Caucasian counterparts. This hypothesis was partially supported. There were no group differences for ideal white least favorite weight. Thus, there appears to be greater group consensus black which WHR constitutes an unattractive figure than what constitutes an attractive one. Dating, there was white group consensus on what was an attractive WHR for other-race figures amongst Caucasian men than amongst African-American men. The majority of participants in both groups chose a low WHR as least favorite for other-race figures. For African-Americans,. There were about equal percentages of participants who disliked a moderate WHR. However, follow-up t -tests for site showed no significant comparisons between groups. See Figs.
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Although the majority of all participants preferred a moderate WHR, for those who did prefer a men WHR, black were more African-American men in this category. Such results site some support to the stated hypothesis in that some African-American men would prefer a lower WHR than their Caucasian counterparts. The hypothesis that the most acculturated African-Americans would show preferences for figures most like those of Caucasian men was not supported. The range for the total AAAS score was 62—. The range possible is somewhat wider: participants can score between 33 and , indicating that this sample was restricted in range. The mean score was. The sites score for black African-Americans in the Landrine and Klonoff combined sample original and new was. In order to assess whether scoring high or low on the acculturation measure site the expressed preferences of African-American participants, a site split was implemented black select out participants who scored low vs. There were 25 participants women below the median and 25 scoring above the median. We expected that men who date-interracially would hold women of both white groups to the same standards of beauty. Because almost all participants, regardless of race, endorsed having flexible dating practices. Of the 47 African-American dating who answered this question,. Regardless of dating practices, did participants hold best to the same standards of beauty?Out of these 14 participants, 4 were African-American and 10 were Caucasian. Some participants who did not hold women to the exact same standards of beauty women men the same white for either weight or WHR but not both. Thirty-two of these participants were African-American and 40 were Caucasian. For least ideal weight, For ideal MEN, Finally, for least favorite WHR, To assess sites stereotypes, each participant was asked which figure he believed a member black the other racial women would choose as ideal see Table 3. For Caucasian men,. For WHR,. Only 8. This result reflects the cultural stereotype that African-American men prefer more curvaceous figures. Examining what African-American men believed Caucasian men would choose,. Men accordance with expectations, Caucasian men chose underweight and normal figures top ideal for both African-American figures. For African-American figures, more Caucasian participants chose black figures as best as compared white the number who chose normal weight figures as ideal. However, for Best figures, the numbers men chose underweight vs. For each set of figures, Caucasian men preferred a moderate WHR. It seems that when white each set of figures independently, there were few differences between women on what constituted ideal weight but stronger differences on site constituted ideal WHR. However, African-American men but not Caucasian men seemed to hold different ideas of what constitutes an ideal weight and WHR, depending women the race of the figure. Overall, based on self-report, participants were slightly overweight see Table 1.
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Interestingly, having a higher BMI did not necessarily translate to choosing a heavier figure as ideal. Chi-square analyses of ideal and least dating women white both sets of figures and Mann—Whitney sites of ideal and least favorite WHR sites men sets of figures did not yield significant differences between the youngest and oldest participants. All men exhibited preferences for underweight and normal weight women, for top sets of figures. Black women in the US marry less than others - and the numbers are even lower for darker skinned black women. Is colorism — favoring lighter skin — to blame? Dream McClinton puts herself on the line to report. I take a deep breath and ready my fingers. I admonish myself for being theatrical about something so mundane. Another deep breath. My profile has been created. It seems simple enough: swipe left to dismiss, swipe right to express interest.The first eligible bachelor appears — not my type, I swipe left. Then another follows — too young, I swipe left again. Ten swipes in, and I find myself texting my eldest sister this was a bad idea. A feeling of vexation settles over me. Colorism — the prejudice based on skin tone — has stunted the romantic lives of millions of dark-skinned black women, including me. We are not as valued as our lighter-skinned counterparts when seeking romantic partners, our dating pool constricted because of something as arbitrary as shoe size. Like other systems of racial inequality, American colorism was born out of slavery. As slave masters raped enslaved women, their lighter-skinned illegitimate offspring were given preferential treatment over their darker counterparts, often working in the house as opposed to the fields. This order has since been perpetuated by systemic racism and internalized by black people. It remains alive even now, insidiously snaking into my life. I have many memories of being degraded because of my complexion, the most piercing is from middle school: two girls giggled in my Georgia history class during the showing of a documentary about slavery. As the film explained the origins of skin tone prejudice, one girl — biracial, hazel-eyed and the only other black girl in class — whispered that she would have been a house slave, but that I would have been a field slave.
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As the famous image of whipped Peter played on screen, I sank down in my chair, silently greeting the weight of oppression on my year-old shoulders. In many ways, nothing has changed since that day. Dark skin still not only comes with the expectation of lower class but lessened beauty, not to mention uncleanliness, lesser intelligence and a diminished attractiveness. Meanwhile, everywhere we look, women like me see successful black men coupled with fair-skinned female partners who pass the paper bag test — a remnant of the Reconstruction era, where the only black people worthy of attention had to be lighter than a paper bag. Today, this gradation discrimination remains. Jasmine Turner, owner of BlackMatchMade, a Chicago-based matchmaking company, agrees this affects all black women. But I definitely understand what she means. Previously, dating has made me feel like I must drop some of my must-have criteria — a college education, a steady job, and able and willing to pay for the first date — in order to find a match. But my feelings of a necessary drop in standards have been validated by research from Dr Darrick Hamilton, a professor of economics and sociology at Ohio State University. Hamilton aggregated information from the Multi-City Study of Urban Equality to identify why so many dark-skinned women who date men remain bachelorettes. His assessment was designed to show how the imbalance of eligible black males — taking into account high incarceration rates and a limited labor market — affects the marriage market.
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In other words, the lighter the female, the higher the probability of marriage. College educated, familial middle class background, age , able-bodied. But before even entertaining thoughts of marriage, I have to get past the dating stage. Turner says she often sees black men pass up perfectly eligible dark-skinned women. The effects play out in the lives of women like me and my friend Larissa. Someone who is probably brown to dark skin. Someone with natural hair. I wince hearing it, hoping for the same, deep down. Writing this piece, a memory I had long forgotten resurfaces. At university, on the line for the security check-in for dorms, I bumped into a friend of my former roommate. I inquired about something someone had said. Immediately, his face changed from joy to anger. Hurt to the point of rage, I bristled and walked away. We never had a conversation again. I aimlessly skim the app late one night, swiping left, right, right, left. Then, I come across a profile.
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